Raging Crab

Crab places are starting to pop up like a bad case of herpes.

We tested one with the following results:

3 lbs of king crab.
1 lobster @ $20- market.
1 basket of Cajun spiced fries.

All the spices

Its a no-frills experience.
Spicy wasn't.
Fries I could have done myself.
The crab was a little overdone but edible.
The lobster was in the smallish side.

Verdict?

Split decision.

On one hand, pretty blah.
On the other, we ate it all.

JJs for July 4th

For the fourth, I present to you a late lunch at JJs (hooray).
Personal note:
The service is provided by some of the most joyless, hopeless souls ever vomitted from the abyss.

That said, on to what matters:

I come here mainly for coffee. Very good coffee. Not 'world-peace' quality, but as close to the tears of angels' as you can get (not really).

Fudz:

House salad.


Its salad. Nothing special there. The dressing is a Ginger/Miso deal. Pretty good.

Verdict: Middle of the road.


In truth, the zombie-like wait staff and the 'overly eager for you to get my money' person who seems to be the matriarch of the place really turned me off.

Maybe I'll go back later when I'm in a better mood.

Maybe I'll break an engine block with my face.

Attack at Tango

Shepherd's pie.

It would be 'nearly-epic' if it wasn't reheated in a fucking aluminum tray.

Verdict: McDonald's could do better.

Its not a bad thing, just not great.

Cafe Laufer & Meatloaf ala' McKinley carwash

The good:

Gravy - epic. Not too thick. Doesn't coat your mouth like primer.

Starches - middle of the road. Potatoes are cooked well. Heavy hand with the rosemary. Buttered like a Christmas tree frocking.

Meat - epic. Its got the flavor and so steady with the salt. Juicy from start to first to end. Can stand on its own without gravy.

Real - A Gastropub....

... Full of f*cking awesome.

The quick and dirty rundown (cause I'm drunk):

The Drinks:

Celstial Mead Beligique(?) ~ its mead. its wonderful with a hint of coriander and childrens' laughter. It also only comes by the bottle. You heard me, BOTTLE. No pansy ass glass. No sh*tty, sniveling, snifters. Big megaliter bottle on the table. There's six of us. It was almost a slumber party.

Guinness ~ cause I can't have Poke without it.

The Food:

Pipikaula Poke ~ Smoky. Spicy. Soft. Delightful. Epic.

French Fries done in duck fat ~ Oh, sweet baby jeezus. Here's a recurring theme... they fry EVERYTHING in duck fat. Verdict: Epic.

Beer Battered Onion Rings ~ Batter was awesome. Duck oil, even better. Epic.

Duck Confit Corndogs ~ Comes with something diced and fruity. Also with something stoneground and like mustard meets elmers' glue. Go with the fruity thing. Epic.

Fish and Chips ~ The Batter (yes, it's a capital 'B'), the duck oil, the duck oil fries, put them on the same plate and try not to touch yourself. Soft, just the right moist and crunch. Epic.

Mac and Cheese ~ A MISS!?!?!?!??! Yep, only one of us actually got down on it. It wasn't that it sucked, but mediocre doesn't cut it when the table has so many stars fighting for attention. Verdict? Middle of the Road.

Poutine ~ If the table was Carnegie Hall, this dish is the soloist about to make a legendary performance. Its decadent, cheesy, smoky, moist, crunchy, and oh-so-right... with an egg on top. Verdict: So Epic. It could bring world peace.

And now, something of a personal critique...

Reese's Bread Pudding ~ I am a hard-ass when it comes to bread pudding. I love bread pudding. I love it good. So, I am pleased to report the following: Sweet bread. Diced and crushed Reese's bits. A beautiful cream coupled with the a 'back in the womb' warmth. So, so, epic.

I would love to elaborate more on this ,but, like I stated earlier, I'm drunk. So I leave you with this last thought.

Honolulu. Real-A Gastropub. Its worth it. Really.

Sh*t thee not.